Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
