Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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