On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
