I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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