A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
