brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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