can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
