Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
