chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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