"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
