my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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