but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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