Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
