i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
