if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
