Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
