remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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