so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
