Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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