Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
