Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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