Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
