Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
