I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
