Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
