Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
