i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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