don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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