the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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