Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
