wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you never un-have a 4some
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
