Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
