I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
