Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
