Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
