So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
