in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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