just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
