you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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