ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
