see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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