Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
