see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
