I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
