i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
