My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sobbing to NWA
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
