So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
