I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
