I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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