I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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