I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
