I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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