a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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