If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
