The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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