Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
